Take This Wrong? What!

There's this problem i have that i really have to start working on. When people offend me, i don't know how to tell them. I just keep quiet. Before i started this walk with God, i was an expert in bearing a grudge. I would never tell people that they hurt me, but i would spend days, sometimes even weeks or months, planning on how to get back at them. My family used to get so upset at me and termed me a professional in holding a grudge. lol. Funny enough, i would always get the person back for their wrong, even if it took a year. For the past 2 years, like you know already, I've been trying to live a more fulfilled life in Christ, but i still find myself with this same problem. I'm still not able to tell people when they hurt me. Why? I'm not too sure, but i know each time I've tried to tell someone that they offended me, no matter how little the offense, I've felt very vulnerable and ended up crying. And you know sister girl don't like to feel weak. haha. Seriously, it's either i cry while explaining the wrong or i just say very hurtful things to the person, to get back at them. So to avoid all that drama, i decided it best to not say anything at all, after all people should know when they hurt you, right? Don't get me wrong, i don't pretend that everything is fine. Most times, i'd act out my anger, but would never say what's upsetting me. This has become a big struggle for me recently. Obviously, unlike before when i would so carefully plan out different ways to get back at people that hurt me, now i have to go about it as a Christian. So here's what I've been doing recently-I still don't tell people when they hurt me and i don't retaliate. I mean, i'm saved now! I dare not think evil thoughts!!! lol. But you know what? I'm often miserable and end up going home to vent to my family. Trust me, this is a BIG MISTAKE because they always take my side and then take all the hurt like it was personally directed at them. Next thing they're enemies with whoever offended me, even long after I've forgiven the person. I'm sure you'll agree with me that this is wrong, because instead of teaching my younger ones to love and tolerate people, i end up encouraging them to bear a grudge. So what really is the Christian thing to do? Leviticus 19: 17-18 says,

17 "Do not nurse hatred in your heart for any of your relatives. Confront people directly so you not be held guilty for their sin. 18. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against a fellow Israelite, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord."

Call for a change Akunna, call for a change. Have you ever claimed you've forgiven someone even though you don't speak with them? I'm an expert in this. Truly, i forgive people, but i never want to deal with them again. I recently reached out to a friend of mine, who i love very much and i was so excited to reconnect with her. Most of my friends know this story. We were best friends. This my friend loved me dearly, and i loved her with all my heart. Then i started dating her brother, which was okay, until we broke up. Bad bad break up, i tell ya. Anyway, somehow, my friend and i stopped talking. I felt like she was taking sides with her brother, and she thought i didn't want to be friends with her anymore. She reached out to me a few times, but in typical Akunna style, i was hurt, so i blocked her out of my life. See i'm very good at blocking people out. I guess we're pretty similar, because by the time i realized how dear she is to me and reached out to her, she was done with me as well. Anyway, we reconnected recently and me, being me, just felt like we could just pick up from where we left without talking about what happened. But apparently most human beings don't do that; You have to talk about what happened, how it happened, why it happened, etc. and i don't like this part, but i've decided that i love God too much and that i love my friend too much, so we'll talk it out. 

Why i'm i saying/typing all these things? While i know God is absolutely crazy about me, i also know he loves all his children and he's most happy when we all live in harmony. This is my goal. I had a talk with my Pastor yesterday and i realized that even though i think i have it all together, that i really don't. I'm still a baby Christian. I still have a lot to learn, but i'm definitely growing. I am not where i used to be, and where i'm going? Ah! you can't even imagine it. God has a huge plan for my life, so I refuse to let my silliness hold me back. I choose today to die to myself everyday, so that the holy spirit will work in me. I choose today to confront people when they hurt me. I refuse to let the sun go down any day while i'm still angry. Maybe i'm by myself in this, but if you are like me, i hope you change as well.

Love you for reading,

Ak

PS: I talk about relationships a lot, because that's where i've failed. Matter of fact, that's where we all fail. It's easy to read my Bible daily, spend time with God, dress decently, not lie, not steal, not cheat, not fornicate, etc, but living in peace with one another can be such a challenge.

PPS: Never date your best friend's brother :) There's a good chance it'll get messy (but you knew this already, right?) No regrets though, honestly.

Oh and "Taking The Wrong" was a series my Pastor at my other Church (RHFAN) did about not taking offense when people hurt you. I was not creative enough to come up with anything original :)